In case you haven’t been paying attention, two American guys claim to have discovered Bigfoot. Unfortunately Bigfoot was dead, so they took some photos, and stuffed him in a freezer.

They aren’t  letting many people actually look at the body, but at a press conference they did show some photos.  One of these photos was of Bigfoot’s mouth.

Bigfoot's Mouth
Bigfoot's Mouth

Just check out those teeth – they look better than most humans. In fact, they look better than the discoverer’s teeth seen in the same photo.  How does Bigfoot, who we suppose is a wild creature without a toothbrush, keep his teeth in such great condition?

Most people feel the evidence for this Bigfoot find looks a little dodgy. Bigfoot looks like a costume stuck in a freezer. And the teeth are too perfect it seems for a wild animal.

But then, ask yourself this: if you were going to devise a Bigfoot hoax, wouldn’t you have made sure the teeth looked a little worn and dirty or decayed?  Just to add some realism?  Why didn’t these guys do that?  Maybe it is real after all!

But then, maybe they thought about that.  Maybe they figured that by making it look fake, people would think “that’s so fake, no one could be this incompetent at creating a hoax, so it must be real”. So their hoax looks more real by looking more fake.

Mind blowing I know. But it is similar to my now famous “Perfect Disguise for an Armed Robbery”1. For those who haven’t heard this before (you need to pay more attention to me), it goes like this. You’re a criminal, about to perform a non-violent armed robbery. You are a generally clean shaven person, with dark hair. So, you go to great trouble to give yourself a very realistic looking red goatee and moustache. You then put on a very fake looking black beard and moustache, one that is so dodgy that the people you are robbing can see that you have a fake beard. In fact, they can clearly see you have a red moustache and goatee under the fake beard.

So, the victims of this crime report the robbery to the police and insist that the person who robbed them had a red goatee and moustache that they tried to cover up with a fake black beard. When the police come around to your door, you are clean shaven.  And obviously do not have and never had a red moustache and goatee.  Your neighbours also know you to never have had a red moustache and goatee. The case is thrown out of court.

The perfect crime.

So is this the perfect hoax?

1 I do not condone armed robbery, or robbery in general. It’s a joke. Don’t send me hate mail.

Bigfoot Dental Hygiene

6 thoughts on “Bigfoot Dental Hygiene

  • August 17, 2008 at 2:58 am

    That some deformed humanoid beast has been found wandering the wilds of North America surprises me about as much as discovering that the last seat on the peak hour train is directly adjacent to the most obese person on the carriage. In fact I imagine the slopes of the Appalachian mountains around Kentucky to be literally crawling with similar finds, and it really is a wonder that they are not trotted out more frequently by those looking to claim some merit in finally finding a scientific link between anthropology and mythology.

    Thus your identification of the hygiene of this creature came as a bit of a surprise. Clearly we are not dealing with the ill conceived result of some unfortunate drunken escapade from the night the TV reception went down in the trailer.

    From my detailed analysis of the photograph, it is clear that this creature is in fact a Wookiee. Perhaps escaped from the set of “Revenge of the Sith”, and sent to discover the workings of humanity (as are the rest of the alien races) by appearing in some backward hick town just when the bars are closing.

  • August 21, 2008 at 4:45 pm

    The “perfect” disguise might still be suspected. The cops may assume you have shaved your red beard off. Better to have a real beard, dye it red for the robbery.. then just trim it differently and dye it back to the natural color immediately afterwards. You still wear the fake black beard of course.

  • August 21, 2008 at 8:30 pm

    Pemster – don’t give up your day job and take up robbery as a profession. The whole idea is so your neighbours don’t notice anything different about you. If you’ve been going around with a beard, and after the robbery you suddenly have it trimmed differently, that’s an indication that something is up.

  • August 21, 2008 at 8:32 pm

    A quick followup for readers. The Bigfoot discovery turned out to be a fake. Surprise!

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