For those who don’t know, I’m currently in Japan on holiday. Arrived just the other day. Having a great time…
Anyway, I of course flew here – a boat trip would be a little slow, and I get sea sick. That meant travelling on a plane. And I hate plane travel more than I hate going to the cinema.
First, you are stuck for hours (in this case 10 hours) with little room to move. You breathe the same recycled air as everyone else – and all around you you can hear people sneezing and coughing. Little snot nosed kids run up and down, the guy in front of you keeps pushing his seat so far back that the tiny 4:3 screen they show crap movies on is so close to your face that you can’t actually focus on the movie without getting a headache, the headphones are made to be uncomfortable and have non-standard connectors so you can’t easily plug in your own, food comes out infrequently, is so awful that you end up picking at it and leaving the rest, and then you are left with the tray and rubbish sitting on your lap for a good hour before they bother to collect it, the seats are too uncomfortable to sleep in, and anyway, the noise of all the people and engines would pretty much put a stop to that.
And then you have the toilets. Tiny little boxes that you line up to use, and inside you find your feet swimming in piss. You can almost see the germs flying around you as you stand or sit trapped in that little box.
Which brings me to the title of this article. The Mile High Club.
Who the hell is going to have sex in a plane’s toilet? First, there is hardly enough room for one. And then there is the sticky floor, the smell of urine and faeces, and those germs. Those germs!
The fact that there are people who would actually consider this is exactly why I hate shaking hands with people. And exactly why I love the Japanese – they bow when you meet them, they don’t shake your hand. I’ve got to move here permanently.