Tiger Woods is in the hizzouse

It’s been awfully difficult not to have heard about Tiger Woods landing in Melbourne for a round or two of golf. The hype surrounding is what essentialy a man hitting a ball around and then chasing after it is hard to comprehend.

For those who aren’t aware, Tiger is filthy rich, so rich in fact he hires small children to polish his golf balls all day. I have no issues with this, he’s the mighty Tiger and he can do what he likes. But I have to remind the people that the Australian tax payers forked out 3 million for this guy to turn up and then prance around in plaid pants. According to Wikipedia “he was the highest-paid professional athlete in 2008, having earned an estimated $110 million from winnings and endorsements”.

Tiger Woods might be a golf player, but first and foremost he is nothing but a corporate whore and a sell out. He makes more money than the GDP of a small pacific island and then demands for more. He’s the face of Gillette, he has his own brand of Gatorade, a clothing range, video games and a range of flat pack furniture that would make the Swedish jealous. So before you next tune in to watch Tiger swing his club around like an angry homeless person defending his turf, I want you to ask yourself, is it right he’s stealing people’s wages to feed his Tiger empire? Tiger, you’re a disgrace.

ELDRICK TONT WOODS BE GONE!

Random thoughts on a Sunday

Just some random thoughts on a lazy Sunday morning.

Reconnect on Facebook

Logging in to the new look Facebook the other day I was greeted with the following suggestion:

My wife on Facebook

Could it be that I actually talk to my wife in real life? Damn, Facebook is getting to be as crap as Twitter.

Windows 7 copied OS X

A Microsoft exec said they copied OS X. Another exec then said the first has no idea and they didn’t copy OS X – apparently the Windows 7 team lived in a bubble without internet access for the last 8 years and made it all themselves.

I’m going to surprise everyone and say that I think they didn’t copy OS X. If they did, they are shit copiers. Or the photocopier broke down part way through.

Evolution for children

My grand nephew is being brain washed by his grandparents in to Christianity. He’s 7 years old, and being told that God created Adam and Eve. They’ve got him reading a children’s version of the bible at night. Time for me to step up as Great Uncle and self-appointed Scienceparent – I’ve ordered him a book “Our family tree: An evolution story” – something he could also read at night. That’s a first step anyway to give him some balance.

Macs and viruses

I’ve had it with idiots who keep telling me the Mac has viruses too (defending the fact that Windows has a bizzilion viruses and you only have to connect to the internet for like 1 second with Windows 7 and you are infected). The Mac, currently, has no viruses. It has no viruses because no one has worked out how to make a virus for it – not because there are too few users. It is a holy grail for virus writers – the best they have done so far is write trojans for it (which every operating system can have).

Just because you wish the Mac was as virus ridden as the piece of shit operating system you choose to use does not make it a reality. Accept that your choice of computer is crap and live with it.

A tail of two mouses

Apple just a few weeks ago announced availability of a new mouse – the Magic Mouse. Let’s take a look at this beauty.

Magic Mouse

It is wireless, has no visible buttons (but is in fact a touch sensitive 2 button mouse), has multi-directional scrolling via a touch surface (with acceleration), and support for multi-touch gestures.

WarMouse today announced the availability of a new mouse – the OpenOfficeMouse. Let’s take a look at this beauty.

OpenOfficeMouse

It is wired, has 18 buttons, a scroll wheel, and a joystick.

I was going to rant about the open source community and how they are even worse than Microsoft at innovation and usability (who would have thought it was possible?), but I think the OpenOfficeMouse does that without me saying anything more. But this monstrosity does remind me of a great cartoon – I recycle this a lot at the office when feature requests start to make the usability of our applications questionable.

Oh, and I apologise for the appalling title of this article. It is late.

Pretty dope

I don’t spend a lot of time on Microsoft’s website, but today I happened to visit, and was greeted with this on their front page:

dope

This one ad, taking pride of place on Microsoft’s front page, is a showcase for just some of what is wrong with Microsoft.

First, the obvious thing is Microsoft desperately wants to be cool. So desperately. You can smell the desperation.

I can tell you now, using “pretty dope” on your website does not make you cool. In fact, this ad reminds me of some teenager’s father trying to act cool with his teenage son’s friends as they leave to go out partying on a Saturday night:

“Homies…that car is the shizzle! You dudes are dope!!! Where da bitches at tonight? Yo?” (flicks fingers in an attempt to make some cool gang sign he saw on Law and Order).

Mentioning “Twitter” does not make you cool either. You can’t just throw around the latest trends – It makes you look like a try hard.

But there is more. There is always more.

“More reviews”?  Was that a review?  Well, I guess it was.  Just not a particularly good one. A random tweet from a random anonymous user with a one line comment. That’s the quality I’m looking for in a review about an OS that I’m about to drop AU$200 or more on.

But the quality of the copy is nothing compared to the details. Take a look to the right of the ad. We have a number of buttons:

Screen shot 2009-11-05 at 10.32.49 PM

Screen shot 2009-11-05 at 10.33.05 PM

Screen shot 2009-11-05 at 10.33.15 PM

So what’s wrong? Well, first we have different size buttons. This is sloppy when the buttons are all left aligned and not vastly different in text length or position, and even if you argue it is because the text is shorter in some, then you’ll notice inconsistent spacing (between the last letter and the arrow), so that argument doesn’t explain the size variations. And finally, inconsistent capitalisation (“Learn More” versus “Find out more”) – I mean, that is beyond sloppy.

It’s all part of the Microsoft experience – sloppy and inconsistent. Don’t forget this is on the front page of a multi-billion dollar company with an advertising budget of 1.4 billion dollars in 2009 – almost 3 times the budget of Apple in that same year! Compare their ads. Compare their websites!

It’s about sweating the details. It is why Apple’s software is a superior experience to Microsoft’s. It is why the iPhone blows away Windows Mobile. Microsoft still doesn’t get it.

If you are reading this and you still don’t get why those buttons are bad, you see nothing wrong with the ad text, and you can’t smell that desperation, you probably deserve to be using Windows. I can offer you no more.

Scienceparent

I have some Christian friends who were having their new born son baptised. We were chatting about the upcoming baptism and the conversation went something like this:

Friend: You should be his Godparents.
Me: That’s nice of you, but you realise we’re atheists?
Friend: Oh, right. Yeah, that won’t work.

Godparent, traditionally, is informally responsible for ensuring the child’s religious education is carried out. Now, if you are going to give a child a religious education, that child needs some balance. In particular, they need to learn that “creation” is not “science”. A little education about evolution is needed to ensure they have that balance and can decide what religion (if any) they really want to follow once they are old enough to think for themselves. We really don’t want ignorant children in the world.

Now not everyone was good at science in school, or went on to work in an area of science, or keeps up with modern scientific discoveries. There is nothing wrong with that – I sucked at sport, I sucked at wood work, I wouldn’t know how to fix a drain, build a house, or even bake a cake (well, from scratch at least). But if you have a child, why not ask someone who does know about science to be the child’s Scienceparent!

Now admittedly, you could also have Accountingparents, Lawparents, Medicineparents etc. I single out Scienceparent though, not because I happen to have studied (and continue to study) science, but because science is the balance that is required for any religious education – in particular an education that promotes “creation” as a plausible explanation for the development of humankind.

Would it then follow that if you are an atheist family, you should give your child a Godparent – surely the child needs balance from all that science? If you can find a person willing to teach a child all about different religions and views (not just Christianity), I would have no objection – learning about different cultures and religions can provide a balanced outlook on life and a greater understanding of others in a multi-cultural world. Though I would also suggest studying science will give a child a thirst for knowledge, that will lead them naturally to question everything around them, including origins. This will lead them to study religion themselves, and make their own decisions.

So, I give you, the Scienceparent1. Make it a reality.



1I note on the net someone suggested an alternative name for such a person is a “Goodparent”. :-)

Something for everyone

I thought I’d take lots of random (and generally short) thoughts, and put them into one big post. Something to offend everyone. So here we go.

Cosplay

Cosplay is for losers. “Norms” aren’t freaked out by you – they are laughing at you.

There are only two situations where cosplay is acceptable:

  1. At fancy dress parties
  2. In the bedroom (if you are into that sort of thing)

Get full time jobs and stop hanging out at every convention in Jeff’s Shed.

Windows 7 is the best Windows ever

This article is my best article ever. If you’ve read my other articles, you know that means very little.

Lolita fashion

Lolita fashion is sick.

I’m not talking about a grown woman looking cute in some shirt, or even with pigtails. I’m talking full on shirley temple style outfits and wigs. If you like this stuff you are a pedophile.

They say there is someone for everyone

I want to introduce Gym Boy (the guy in my gym who uses the equipment until sweaty, then jumps straight into the pool without washing) to Gym Girl (the girl in my gym who uses the equipment until sweaty, for twice as long as the rules state you can use a single piece of equipment, and then leaves without towelling off herself or the sweat she has just dripped over the equipment).

Blackface on Hey Hey

The only thing offensive in that skit was that it wasn’t funny. It was not racist. Harden the fuck up Australia.

Gorgeous

Men should not use the word “gorgeous” except when talking to their partner, and then only sparingly. It should never be written down in anything you write. Ever.

Windows 7 is good

8 years of Windows users looking at Mac OS X and wishing they had that. Well, you’re a little closer. You still aren’t there, but maybe “near enough is good enough” for you. Of course, some of us aren’t willing to accept “good enough”.

Terminal illness

I like to think that if I had a terminal illness, yet was still mobile, I would go on the run and kill every rapist and murderer who got off with some stupidly low sentence for their crime. Our laws suck and the gene pool needs chlorine. Fortunately I don’t have a terminal disease (I hope). And anyway, the only weapon I own is a blunt samurai sword.

Women raising their arms above their heads in public

This is never a good look, no matter what you look like. Australian Idol contestants should pay attention.

Free range eggs

If you aren’t buying free range eggs, you are an arse and I don’t want to talk to you.

Glee

This show would actually be good, if it dropped all the singing and dancing.

Electricity bills are going up

People want to fix the damage they’ve done to the earth. They want greener power. Yet they don’t want to pay for it. Why do you think we’ve been using the dirty stuff for so long – it was cheap. You can’t have your cake and eat it too.

Mac users are arrogant and smug

They have good reason to be. Suck it up.